Reeling Trump Campaign Unveils New Strategy: Insult Gandhi

Staggered by a series of blunders and missteps, Donald Trump sat down for an interview with NBC anchorman Lester Holt and revealed his new campaign strategy.

“I have never once said a single thing to offend Hindus!” Trump declared in the interview.  “Well, that’s about to change.”

The Republican presidential nominee, who has already offended Hispanics, veterans, disabled people, Muslims, blacks, women and babies, and has even used a Star of David from a white supremacist website in an anti-Hillary tweet, was widely believed to be seeking other groups to offend.  Still, the news caught many by surprise.

“So your plan to catch up to Secretary Clinton,” asked the evidently startled Holt, “is to insult Gandhi, one of the founders of Modern India, and a symbol of peace and humanity around the world?”


“Do you think that will be effective?”

“I’ll be great.  I mean that sincerely.  It’ll be amazing.”

“But..shouldn’t you be focused on your opponent?”  Holt asked, echoing a complaint Republican party leaders have had.  “You’re not worried about picking a fight you don’t need?”

“This is a grown man walking around in a diaper,” Trump said.  “Is that normal?  You tell me.  Because a lot of people are saying it’s not normal.  What do you think?  Who wears a diaper?  Pathetic.”

“Okay, but…why Gandhi?  Surely this is just a distraction.  Shouldn’t you be talking about the economy, race relations, immigration?”gandhi

“Let me tell you something,” Trump said.   “That whole business about him fasting?  I prefer people who eat.”

“You don’t think he set an inspiring example of self-sacrifice?” Holt persisted.

“I guess that depends on his wife’s cooking.   Am I right?   I hear it was pretty bad.”

“People are saying you haven’t made any  sacrifices,” Holt replied.  “How do you respond to that?”

“I’ve made the very best sacrifices,” Trump said.  “The most incredible sacrifices.   I picked Mike Pence as my running mate.  Huge.  And don’t get me wrong.  I’m sure they’re great people, the Gandhis.  I mean this sincerely.  Met them once at a party at one of my casinos.  Long time ago.  I’m just saying.  Was he really fasting the whole time?  Was someone watching him?  A lot of people are asking.”

“You do know Mohandas Gandhi died in 1948, right?”

“We’re look into that.  Has anyone seen his death certificate?   A lot of people are asking questions.”

“Isn’t there anything at all you’d like to say about  your plans for what you would do as president?”

“Not particularly.  But I will say this.”

“Go ahead.”

“That Meg Whitman?  Total failure at EBay.  Disaster.  Complete loser.”

trump gandhi

In a related development, after last week urging Russia to hack Hillary’s emails, Trump sent out a new tweet urging China to break into Paul Ryan’s Netflix account, and another asking Italy to rifle through Megyn Kelly’s pocketbook.  “I hope you’re listening, Italy.  Whole country full of pickpockets.  You can do this.”


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  1. It’s true – Trump definitely prefers people who eat. I think he made that clear earlier in the campaign, but he did qualify the remark when he told Chris Christie to stop eating Oreos.

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