Did you know that Donald J Trump has “donated” $102 million to “charity” in the last few years?
Well, he doesn’t like to talk about it on account of his modesty and stuff (which, by the way, is truly unbelievable). Plus it’s usually mixed in with his modesty about his amazing wealth, his fantastic IQ, and of course, his sensational “Tower” (which, and we mean this sincerely, is one of the greatest, most incredible things ever). So his $102 million in donations to charity probably went right past you.
Fortunately, as always, we at The Rotting Post are here to, “cut to the chase,” and to, “get to the nitty-gritty”.
- 2,900 free rounds of golf at his not-very-full golf courses. Each round is valued at $1,720 -presumably after Donald asked Melania to, “think of a very big number.”
- Free weekends at Trump hotels, given to unnamed (but no doubt extremely needy) recipients (timeshare sales pitch included!!)
- $1,136 to the “Serena Williams Group” that evidently represented a ride Trump once gave the tragically impoverished tennis star on his private jet.
- “Donations” to large, for-profit companies (holy crap!)
- $63 million dollars in promises not to develop land, though what land is not specified, nor what was received in return for these promises, nor why any of this constituted a “donation”.
- Assorted other acts of otherworldly mercy for the desperate and downtrodden.
Did Mother Theresa ever give Serena Williams a ride on her private jet? I think not!
Are you seeing the true genius of The Art of the Donation yet? Using the special, Donald Trump Mar-A-Lago method, you can give $102 million, and you don’t actually have to help anyone! Seriously, ladies and gentlemen. Isn’t that a beautiful thing?
(By the way, we just realized something shocking. Something incredible. Something that could blow the lid off the entire Trump campaign: “Mar-a-Lago” is Spanish! What the hell, Donald? This is the U.S. of A. you’re naming your junk in! Habla Ingles, dude! Speak English! You can’t come up with snooty-sounding names in English? Mar-a-Lago? Okay, so ‘Sea of Lake’ sounds pretty moronic in English. But what about, “This is Seriously the Most incredible House Ever!”, or, we’ve got it, “Tumescense By Trump”? That one has a nice, poetic ring to it, no?)
Anyway, back to the whole charity thing. We at The Rotting Post have studied the Saint Donald method closely. And let me tell you something. We’re extremely generous. The way other media people donate is pathetic. Just look at our incredible donations:
Wow! We are so freaking ALTRUISTIC it’s like INSANE! We’re going to go google right now and see if there is some kind of special goodness award we can apply for. An “Assisi” or something. We should really get something out of all of this selflessness!
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