Did you know that Donald J Trump has “donated” $102 million to “charity” in the last few years?
Well, he doesn’t like to talk about it on account of his modesty and stuff (which, by the way, is truly unbelievable). Plus it’s usually mixed in with his modesty about his amazing wealth, his fantastic IQ, and of course, his sensational “Tower” . So his $102 million in donations to charity probably went right past you.
Fortunately, as always, we at the #failing Trumplandia Review are here to, “cut to the chase.”
When pressed to show he’d really donated $102 million dollars, he claimed to have given away the following (as reported by the Washington Post):
- 2,900 free rounds of golf at his not-very-full golf courses. Each round was valued at $1,720. (That’s just $95 per hole, a mere $20 per swing).
- Free weekends at Trump hotels, given to unnamed (but no doubt extremely needy) recipients.
- $1,136 to the “Serena Williams Group” that evidently represented a ride Trump once gave the tragically impoverished tennis star on his private jet.
- “Donations” to large, for-profit companies (holy crap!)
- $63 million dollars in “promises not to develop land”. (Promising not to do bad stuff is one of the very best ways to “donate”. We recently promised not to blast Coldplay at top volume in the middle of the night. That’s gotta worth millions!).
- Assorted other acts of otherworldly mercy for the desperate and downtrodden.
Are you seeing the true genius of The Art of the Donation yet? Using the Trump method, you can “give away” $102 million, and you don’t actually have to help anyone! Isn’t that so beautiful?
Well, we at The Review have studied the Trump method, it turns out we’re pretty generous ourselves. Just look at our incredible donations:
Wow are we altruistic! It’s incredible. We should really get something out of all of this selflessness!
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