In 2009, not long after one of the worst the financial meltdowns in our nation’s history, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein declared, “We are doing God’s work.”1
Many objected to these words. They cried out, “You have left our land in ruins. You are as a plague.”
But let us look at some lesser-known passages from The Bible itself before we judge.
“You shall go forth and bundle mortgages into complex derivatives that only you shall understand. And you shall sell these derivatives across the land. But you must short these same derivatives. And your investment shall be fruitful and multiply.”
Kings II 14,3:4
“And the Law said you shall not accumulate vast sums of one commodity in one location, for this is cornering a market. And you railed against this law. And you cried, ‘Oh Lord, Speak to me, Help me. For I must find a way to corner the market and drive up prices.’ And for seven days you fasted and you prayed, and on the seventh day the Lord spoke, and the Lord said, ‘You shall move commodities from one warehouse to the next and then back again, and so your commodities shall always be moving and never staying in one place, around and around, and thus may you follow the law, and still corner the market.’ And your investment was fruitful and multiplied.”
“They came unto you, great corporations, and they said, ‘our companies must pay tax unto our nation, and we do not like this tax’, and you calmed them with your wisdom, and you said, ‘your great company shall be acquired by a tiny offshore company, and we shall make it so, nor shall you pay this tax any longer.’ And so it was. And they thanked you. And your investment multiplied. And our nation fell into debt, as great companies no longer paid their tax. And our nation issued treasury bonds to finance its debt. And you sold these bonds of debt that you had thus created. And so your wealth grew and grew. And you became strong and mighty.”
“And you prayed, ‘Oh Lord, we trade stocks in your great corporations, and we acquire vast wealth, but Lord, there are occasionally days that we lose money, days when trades do not work! O Almighty why hath you foresaken us so? We pray unto thee. Help us make more! Day unto day. For all the days of our lives.’ And you went up unto the executive suite, and built an altar, and sacrificed a cafeteria worker. And the Lord answered. And the Lord gave you high-frequency trading. And no longer did you lose money some days, but only made money. Day unto day. And no longer must your traders labor long hours at their computers. For now the computer itself produceth, and money flows unto you from no labor at all. It comes from all across the land, from all the land’s citizens, like water gushing forth from a spring. And you cried, ‘Thank You, 0 Lord.’”
“And the Lord said, ‘you must bear great gifts to the leaders of your nation, and they will be as your chattel, and you will instruct them in the Law, and they will follow your instruction, and they will choose their Treasury Secretaries from your company alone, and from no other, and no Law shall pass without your blessing, and thus you shall rule across the land’”
And yet, tragically, the good works at Goldman Sachs may be in danger. Its top five executives, including the Prophet Blankfein, received only $112 million in compensation last year. And how can they continue benefiting mankind for so little reward?
If there is good in your heart, you are by now thinking, “Okay, I see the importance of this, but what can I do to help Goldman Sachs continue to do God’s work?”
Here’s you how you can help:
Send your donations now, to the following address:
Llloyd Blankfein, Douchebag
100 World Domination Terrace
New York, NY 10011
Remember, any contribution helps! Even if it is as a small as $1,000,000.
And thank you, from all of us here at The Rotting Post.
1 what a douchebag