COSMOPOLITAN / TREE – The World’s Leading Botanical Glamour Magazine



Our Cosmo Tree Interview with Lady Aspen

by Ava Malvino, October 16, 2017


We sat down with celebrity hardwood Lady Aspen recently in Sun Valley, ordered two tall waters, and let her dish.   Just because she’s one of the most famous trees on the planet doesn’t mean her head is up in the clouds.  She was the same old Aspen:  Completely grounded, and frankly, one of the easiest trees we’ve ever interviewed.  But then, that’s what we love about her.

Cosmo Tree:  What are you looking for in a tree before you’re ready to “get serious”?

Lady Aspen:  It all depends.  For me it’s not just about looks.  I need a tree that I really connect with mentally.   Sometimes it’s all about sharing the same interests.  Then again, if it’s a really cute Douglas Fir…who cares!  (laughter)

Cosmo Tree:  So looks matter too?

Lady Aspen:  I’m not going to pretend that appearance doesn’t matter.  And for me, I admit it, I want to tree that’s taller than me.  I don’t want to be looking down when we get going.  Eighty feet is a good height for me, since I’m seventy-two.

Cosmo Tree:  What else?  What kind of tree has a chance with you?

Lady Aspen:  I do like the strong, silent type.  But every now and then a sweet Weeping Willow will just sweep me away.   So there’s really no predicting.   It just depends.  Different strokes for different oaks.  Right?

Cosmo Tree:  So true.  How easy is it for you to get intimate?

Lady Aspen:  For me, it’s all about spontaneity.  I’m the kind of tree that, one day I just want to chill and take it easy, and the next day, I’m looking around at the conifers and thinking, “Hmmmm.”

Cosmo Tree:  Where do you see yourself in say, 100 years?

Lady Aspen:   I don’t really see myself moving, in the near-term.  Roots are important to me.  I like who I am.  I’m in a good place right now.   I don’t see that changing.  I mean who’s to say in 300 years say?   But not right away.

Cosmo Tree:  Well, thanks for talking with us.  Good luck.

Lady Aspen:  Thanks.


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  1. What about bark compatibility? Would Ms. Aspen want the bark to be worse than the bite? A nest of robins in her hair – would a partner find that attractive?

  2. Hahaha. Though I am not sure why Lady Aspen is so Poplar. She’s not exactly a day at the Beech. Yet all the other trees Spruce themselves up and Pine after her. Typical male trees! They should just Leaf her alone.

  3. Great interview, Ava! Elm a big fan of yewr work!

    It would be lovely if Lady Aspen would consider opening a branch here in Ireland – we lost many trees today as a result of ex-Hurricane Ophelia.

    And speaking of exes, Ava, yew might consider interviewing the ex-BFFs Ms Beech and Ms Birch who fell out after arguing whether the sapling growing between them was a son-of-a-beech or a son-of-a-birch. They barked at each other for decades but, fortunately, before it reached a knock- down drag-out fight, the issue was settled when a woodpecker called Picinae attacked the tender young trunk of the new tree and afterwards was heard to sigh in satisfaction, “Oh my! That was the best piece of ash I ever had my pecker in!”

    So the two former buddies twigged to the truth, but the breach between Ms Beech and Ms Birch was complete and they haven’t spoaken since. It leaves a terrible silence in the forest and nobody wood know if one of them fell over.

    Ava, do you think you could help to re-pear the damage? Maple I’m wrong, but I am sure they must be pining fir each other. Willow give it some thought and cedar yew can do? Walnut I say! And soon please, Ava -alderwise it might be too late.

    So spruce yourself up, Ava, and get down there. If you don’t have thyme, perhaps you could send one of your colleagues – Myrtle, Holly, Hazel or Laurel. Yew’ll be glad you did!

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