THE CRAP SANDWICH HEALTHCARE ACT – Original Recipe or Extra-Crispy?

Donald Delivers Healthcare Load

Yes, fellow Trumplandians, it’s happened!  Our President’s “healthcare” act has passed.  After all the pushing and straining of a constipated old man’s bowel movement, Donald Dump’s bio-hazardous legislation has passed!  It exploded out of the Lower Chamber of the House on May 4th.  Paul Ryan, racing out of the Capitol bearing the official Presidential Chamberpot, shared the glorious news with the world.

chamberpot

It was just six weeks ago that the original Crap Sandwich Healthcare Act (CSHA), denying healthcare to millions of Americans while giving billionaires a huge tax break, failed to garner enough support among rightwing extremists.  Yet through the magical give-and-take of the legislative process,  and after committing to making the bill as bad as humanly possible, it has passed!  O Great Day in Trumplandia!  King Donald has discharged his duty!

For our young readers unfamiliar with the process, we’ve created this helpful graphic:

crap sandwich healthcare

The president celebrated the miraculous passage by doing what he does best – blithering incoherently.  “They’re friends of mine,” he said of the Republicans in Congress.  “They’re really special people, whether it’s Freedom Caucus or Tuesday or Thursday or let’s go have a drink, that group.”

Oh, that group!  Got it.women who work.PNG

Princess Ivanka Lays An Egg

The other big news, of course, is that Ivanka’s much-despised new book, Women Who Work, has hit the bookstores!

Just think: while you’re withering away from that cancer you cannot afford to treat, you can read Ivanka’s inspirational homilies, such as,  “All women benefit immeasurably by architecting their lives.”  There.  Aren’t you feeling better now?  No?  Would it help if we read passages where she promotes the family brands, such as Scion Hotels, and Ivanka Handbags designed especially for “women who work”?

Ivanka’s horrible book was itself recently promoted on the website of the State Department.tweet

It’s great to see that the federal government is finally focused on the important business of advancing the Trump brand!

But if you think Ivanka is just a self-promoting capitalist who speaks in “business-ese”, think again!  She is also a devoted Mom, as she explains in this sentence:  “The opportunity cost of not being with my kids elucidates my priorities in great relief, causing me to be tremendously focused.”

There is an audio version of, Women Who Work, available for $24.50.  We’re not sure who would listen to this voluntarily, but it could definitely prove useful as one of those enhanced interrogation techniques Papa Ferret wants to start using.

Breathy, female Audio Book narrator:  “I had already taken a first step towards reimagining the options available to modern, self-purchasing women when in 2007 I launched my fine jewelry…”

Terror Suspect:  “Please, no more! “

Audio Book:  “I’m incredibly dedicated to creating solutions for modern women who are living full, multidimensional….”

Terror Suspect:  “Nooooooooo!  Someone help me!”

Audio Book:  “Scion Hotels offer energized social experiences and shared work spaces designed to bring people together to exchange ideas and create…”

Terror Suspect:  “Stop.  I beg you!  I tell you anything!!!”

Melania Celebrates Opposite Day

Okay, so we admit it, this focus on Ivanka’s book is pretty unfair.  After all, Melania also did something amazingly hilarious this week when she “liked” the below tweet that was accompanied by a video of her scowling at Donald.

melania tweet

Is this a cry for help from the First Lady?   Does she not know how to read?  Or is this just Trumplandia, where every day is Opposite Day?   Where we’re officially living in Opposite World?

And Now, Mr. President, Can You Say Something Idiotic About The Middle East? 

Of course he can.  This is President Trump after all!   Still, what the heck was he thinking in that little ferret brain of his, when he told Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas:  “I also applaud the Palestinian Authority’s continued cooperation with Israel. They get along unbelievably well… They work together beautifully.”  Huh?  They do?  Is this Opposite World again?

Too bad Andrew Jackson didn’t live long enough to bring peace to the Middle East.   He could have brought the Israelis and the Palestinians together at a Trump Scion Hotel in one of those,  “shared work spaces designed to bring people together.”    And the State Department could give out Scion Hotel brochures, and Ivanka could blither about it inspiringly in her next book, “Women Who Are Born Unfuckingbelievably Rich.”

ivanka book

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34 COMMENTS

  1. You are not going to get Trump to retweet any of your tweets if you keep this up. This is a warning. Hear that sound? Your 10% off coupon for Ivanka’s new book just got shredded. Too bad for you.

  2. The choice of scatological humor seems very appropriate to the material under review. And it’s funny.

  3. I’m dying. Not literally, fortunately. Since I may not have health insurance to deal with it. Great post. Marry me? Unless you’re actually a jerk. Then definitely don’t. Aren’t all comedians really screwed up?

  4. Great post. Loved the revised title of the Ivanka book. I think that book would sell far more copies than the original.

  5. Ferret brain? Don’t you think that’s a cruel comparison on ferrets? I’d take a ferret over the current Cheeto-haired moronic fascist currently in the Oval Office. As always, well done and a better source of news than many out there these days. And tell Margaret that I have dibs on marrying you already, if Mrs. Rotting Post’s review comes back in the negative. 🙂

  6. Just another sexually-indifferent or confused Trump Deranged who believes his own blather while wallowing in his incoherent compulsions and obsessions for the next eight years as Trump will never get impeached. As Trump will shred everything the Skinny Kenyan has accomplished – not much to begin with. Not much, other than putting the entire mideast and North Africa on fire, the European invasion by The Religion of Peace, more than a half million dead in Syria, countless others in Libya, Yemen, Egypt, Somalia and other places, the Russian Reset and the Syrian Red Line; the loss of two wars already won by the previous president, and the enthusiastic support of doing nothing so that ISIS can grow from 4000 to 40,000.

    Doing nothing is what Fareed Zakaria of FAKE NEWS CNN recommended to Donald Trump, because Obozo’s doing nothing worked so well. You see, Donald Trump didn’t build that. Obozo did.

    This is the guy, rottingpost, one of, who voted for Hillary for her message. That was the message her own campaign manager said didn’t exist. Hillary’s message may just soon enough become the Democrat’s. MAKE AMERICA SMALL AGAIN!

    At least it sounds better than I’M WITH HER. It appears that those who didn’t fall for her level of stupidity, laziness, ineptness, felt that they’re with America.

    Nice going tough guy rottingpost! The agitation-propaganda machine of the mainstream press that was over 90% anti-Trump from the get go to date worked. On you, on millions of clueless others who are playing with Sandra Fluke’s condoms, just as the Democrats lost 1042 legislative seats nationwide, 71 congressional seats, 13 governorships leaving 17 out of 50, over 90% of the nation’s voting counties. http://tinyurl.com/zo544ma

    Lost to the Republicans, thanks to the Skinny Kenyan in his Empty Suit sitting in his Empty Chair chanting his Empty Slogans – and since Hope & Change in his fake Greek Temple http://tinyurl.com/nxk64bv graced us with his presence.

    The legacy of the Empty Suit from Nairobi – now displayed on the empty shelves and bare walls of the Obozo Presidential Library – was the destruction of the Democrat Party of leftwing loons. A better bunch of bozos could not have been more deserving. Once the great party of Scoop Jackson, Jacob Javits, Pat Moynihan and John F. Kennedy who hired his own brother as AG because he, unlike Trump, didn’t believe in hiring relatives. Once my party.

    As have millions of others, I too have awakened from a deep, hallucination-induced slumber many years ago – thanks Jimmy Carter!

    The Democrats are the Party of the Delusional.

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