Ted Cruz Only Republican Left Endorsing Trump

Where’s Everyone Going?  I just got here.

HOUSTON, Texas – At a hastily arranged press conference today, Ted Cruz seemed stung by the string of unendorsements of Trump, shortly after Cruz himself had come around to finally supporting his former rival.  “Is it me?” he wondered aloud, breathing into his hand and trying to smell it.  “Why does everyone leave as soon as I arrive?”

Asked if he was going to unendorse Trump for the second time, Cruz said he was praying and doing a lot of poll-searching.  “Look,” he said, “What if I unendorse him again and then everyone else goes and re-endorses him again, just to mess with me?  I’m tired of these Washington games.”

Asked about Trump’s shocking “hot mic” comments, Cruz’s tone changed.  “Let me be clear,” he said, taking a couple of Tic-tacs.  “Women all over the country are offended at Trump’s treatment of women.  And men are equally appalled that he would offer to go furniture shopping with them.  Is that showing strength?  If he can’t say no to furniture shopping, how’s he going to stand up to Angela Merkel?  This is going to be difficult to recover from.  Men all across America are going to be thinking about this and voting their conscience.”

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16 COMMENTS

  1. And there’s this other creature!

    After Mr. Trump illustrated his conservative values, Mr. Pence was “beside himself.”

    But Really, Really, Mr. Pence
    (The question your daughters never asked!)

    Oh, Mr. Pence, don’t curse your luck
    Your mate can’t help but make you tense
    Beside yourself? Oh, Mr. Pence,
    Why are you still beside that f–k?

    http://tinyurl.com/zxybkpg

  2. Oh, Ted Ted Ted. I’m surprised he hasn’t jumped on the bandwagon of “I have a wife and daughters and a mother…….” etc., as many of the Republicans have done in the past couple of days. It’s like they suddenly discovered they have these women in their lives. The headline of your post actually made me snarf some coffee, so I knew it would be good. So do I get the virtuous benefits of being a constant reader and visitor to your post? What do I win? A year’s supply of socks? 🙂 Another excellently snarky post. Please don’t get too famous with your writing and forget all the rest of us wanna-be writers.

  3. Yup. I think a lot of republicans are busy poll-searching at the moment. Funny piece. Congrats on being the go-to place for snark.

      • Correct! The reader is a writer, the author is a reader. We are all hypocrites in a good cause. Some phrases and words are better left in French though fortunately some apt English words are French. Such as Ennui…
        “There is one viler and more wicked spawn,
        Which never makes great gestures or loud cries
        Yet would turn earth to wastes of sumps and sties
        And swallow all creation in a yawn:
        Ennui! Moist-eyed perforce, worse than all other,
        Dreaming of stakes, he smokes his hookah pipe.
        Reader, you know this fiend, refined and ripe,
        Reader, O hypocrite — my like! — my brother!”

        • got it, thanks! i tried going back to the original french, but it was a bit beyond me. it goes both ways about words and phrases being best in their native language. I remember seeing the french version of the title, ‘Cat on a Hat Tin Roof’ was, “La Chatte Uur un Toit Brulant”.

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