“Where’s Everyone Going? I just got here.”
HOUSTON, Texas – At a hastily arranged press conference today, Ted Cruz seemed stung by the string of unendorsements of Trump, shortly after Cruz himself had come around to finally supporting his former rival. “Is it me?” he wondered aloud, breathing into his hand and trying to smell it. “Why does everyone leave as soon as I arrive?”
Asked if he was going to unendorse Trump for the second time, Cruz said he was praying and doing a lot of poll-searching. “Look,” he said, “What if I unendorse him again and then everyone else goes and re-endorses him again, just to mess with me? I’m tired of these Washington games.”
Asked about Trump’s shocking “hot mic” comments, Cruz’s tone changed. “Let me be clear,” he said, taking a couple of Tic-tacs. “Women all over the country are offended at Trump’s treatment of women. And men are equally appalled that he would offer to go furniture shopping with them. Is that showing strength? If he can’t say no to furniture shopping, how’s he going to stand up to Angela Merkel? This is going to be difficult to recover from. Men all across America are going to be thinking about this and voting their conscience.”
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