Commentary, Criticism, Snark

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE UPDATED – The Texting Version

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Chapter XXXVII

Darcy:                 lizzie, u’ve gotta believe i totally did it all 4 u!

Elizabeth:          OMG!  So that’s y wickham married lydia?

Darcy:                 truly.  upon my virtue .

Elizabeth:          cause u like…paid wickham off?

Darcy:                 indeed.

Elizabeth:           wowser!  and my recompense 4 ur kndness has been…can u 4give me?

Darcy:                 can u 4give *me*?

Elizabeth:          I wld be so obliged as to….

Darcy:                 sec brb.  gotta pee.

Elizabeth:          k.

Darcy:                 k back.

Elizabeth:          I fear…Ive been most prjdicd about u!

Darcy:                 me 2 about u!  totally!  Might I be so bld as to inquire…have ur feelings about me changed?  I mean…like…perchance?

Elizabeth:          u may! And like…they so have!

Darcy:                 Xoxoxo.

Elizabeth:          mmmm.

Darcy:                 That wickham!  OMG!

Elizabeth:          LMFAO!

Darcy:                 Ur so hot.

Elizabeth:          No u r!

Darcy:                 Love u.

Elizabeth:          No u.

Darcy:                 No u.

Elizabeth:          No u like a 1000 times!!!!!

Darcy:                 What r u wearing?

Elizabeth:          ????

Darcy:                 Sorry…I mean…pray, wll u marry me?

Elizabeth:          Corset actually.  U’d like it.

Darcy:                 I so could throb yr pail in that.

Elizabeth:          Huh?

Darcy:                 Crap.  Typo.  Tail not pail.  And throttle not throb.  throttle yr tail.  got it?

Elizabeth:          Got it.   And yes, btw.

Darcy:                 Yes?

Elizabeth:          Re marrying.

Darcy:                 Oh.  Nice.

Elizabeth:          And trestle away!!!!

Darcy:                 Huh?

Elizabeth:          Oops.  ‘Throttle not trestle.  Effing spellcheck.

Darcy:                 Oh.  Wait. Confused.

Elizabeth:           Sorry?

Darcy:                 Huh?

Elizabeth:           ???

Darcy:                 Confused.

Elizabeth:           Which part?

Darcy:                 Sec.  Bingley’s pinging me.   Gtg.

And they had much felicity, and lived happily through their many days.

THE END

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14 replies »

  1. Where were you when I suffered through this novel in my Victorian Novel course in college? Yes, I became one of those rare English teachers who couldn’t stand Jane Austen.

    Liked by 1 person

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