Darcy: lizzie, u’ve gotta believe i totally did it all 4 u!
Elizabeth: OMG! So that’s y wickham married lydia?
Darcy: truly. upon my virtue .
Elizabeth: cause u like…paid wickham off?
Elizabeth: wowser! and my recompense 4 ur kndness has been…can u 4give me?
Darcy: can u 4give *me*?
Elizabeth: I wld be so obliged as to….
Darcy: sec brb. gotta pee.
Darcy: k back.
Elizabeth: I fear…Ive been most prjdicd about u!
Darcy: me 2 about u! totally! Might I be so bld as to inquire…have ur feelings about me changed? I mean…like…perchance?
Elizabeth: u may! And like…they so have!
Darcy: That wickham! OMG!
Darcy: Ur so hot.
Elizabeth: No u r!
Darcy: Love u.
Elizabeth: No u.
Darcy: No u.
Elizabeth: No u like a 1000 times!!!!!
Darcy: What r u wearing?
Darcy: Sorry…I mean…pray, wll u marry me?
Elizabeth: Corset actually. U’d like it.
Darcy: I so could throb yr pail in that.
Darcy: Crap. Typo. Tail not pail. And throttle not throb. throttle yr tail. got it?
Elizabeth: Got it. And yes, btw.
Elizabeth: Re marrying.
Darcy: Oh. Nice.
Elizabeth: And trestle away!!!!
Elizabeth: Oops. ‘Throttle not trestle. Effing spellcheck.
Darcy: Oh. Wait. Confused.
Elizabeth: Which part?
Darcy: Sec. Bingley’s pinging me. Gtg.
And they had much felicity, and lived happily through their many days.