Chapter XXXVII
Darcy: lizzie, u’ve gotta believe i totally did it all 4 u!
Elizabeth: OMG! So that’s y wickham married lydia?
Darcy: truly. upon my virtue .
Elizabeth: cause u like…paid wickham off?
Darcy: indeed.
Elizabeth: wowser! and my recompense 4 ur kndness has been…can u 4give me?
Darcy: can u 4give *me*?
Elizabeth: I wld be so obliged as to….
Darcy: sec brb. gotta pee.
Elizabeth: k.
Darcy: k back.
Elizabeth: I fear…Ive been most prjdicd about u!
Darcy: me 2 about u! totally! Might I be so bld as to inquire…have ur feelings about me changed? I mean…like…perchance?
Elizabeth: u may! And like…they so have!
Darcy: Xoxoxo.
Elizabeth: mmmm.
Darcy: That wickham! OMG!
Elizabeth: LMFAO!
Darcy: Ur so hot.
Elizabeth: No u r!
Darcy: Love u.
Elizabeth: No u.
Darcy: No u.
Elizabeth: No u like a 1000 times!!!!!
Darcy: What r u wearing?
Elizabeth: ????
Darcy: Sorry…I mean…pray, wll u marry me?
Elizabeth: Corset actually. U’d like it.
Darcy: I so could throb yr pail in that.
Elizabeth: Huh?
Darcy: Crap. Typo. Tail not pail. And throttle not throb. throttle yr tail. got it?
Elizabeth: Got it. And yes, btw.
Darcy: Yes?
Elizabeth: Re marrying.
Darcy: Oh. Nice.
Elizabeth: And trestle away!!!!
Darcy: Huh?
Elizabeth: Oops. ‘Throttle not trestle. Effing spellcheck.
Darcy: Oh. Wait. Confused.
Elizabeth: Sorry?
Darcy: Huh?
Elizabeth: ???
Darcy: Confused.
Elizabeth: Which part?
Darcy: Sec. Bingley’s pinging me. Gtg.
And they had much felicity, and lived happily through their many days.
THE END
Very funny!
OMG. 2 fun-E
haha.
haha. 🙂 thanks.
This fellow is seriously funny.
Where were you when I suffered through this novel in my Victorian Novel course in college? Yes, I became one of those rare English teachers who couldn’t stand Jane Austen.
Love everything you write, Chris Erskine.
thanks. although, i’ve been called many things. never Chris Erskine!
I am in the middle of listening to Pride and Prejudice. I am enjoying it, but you are funnier.
well thank you. i do have an advantage, in that snark was just in its infancy in Austen’s day. It was the dawn of the snark era.
What ….! Funny 🙂
Thanks !
glad you enjoyed 🙂 thanks.
Hilarious! (in a tragic sort of way …).
thanks. I wrote this a while ago. thought it was worth pointing newer readers toward it.