Moscow, June 4, 2017
While most in the Kremlin do not doubt Trump’s loyalty, a few Putin associates have started to wonder. Could he be a double-agent? Could he be secretly working for the Americans? “How else do you explain all this bumbling about secret communication channels. Not to mention his incredible idiocy in his meeting with Lavrov and Kislyak and sharing top-secret intelligence with them? Is he actually trying to intentionally expose us? Or is he just an astonishing imbecile?”
But others felt he is probably still loyal to the Kremlin. “He’s just extremely stupid,” said another member of the Duma, rallying to Trump’s defense.
Meanwhile, in a related development, Trump announced plans to vacate the White House and set up official residence in the Russian Embassy. “This is a routine change of location,” Press Secretary Sean Spicer declared. “Of course the fake news media act like everything is dark and suspicious.”
“I see nothing unusual about this,” Majority Leader Mitch McConnell added.
Trump Lashes out at Kuiper Asteroid Belt
In other developments, President Trump broadened his “America First” themes today, declaring, “The United States has been treated extremely unfairly by the Kuiper Asteroid Belt. Speaking from the White House Rose Garden, he continued, “We can no longer allow ourselves to be threatened by those scum-sucking Kuiper Asteroids. Have you noticed my opponents are afraid to use the phrase, ‘Scum-sucking Kuiper Asteroids’? I call on Nancy Pelosi to stand up before the House of representatives right now and just say it. ‘Scum-sucking Kuiper Asteroids.’ Why can’t she say it?”
America Proudly Stands With The Great Nation of Syria In Rejecting Paris Climate Accord
President Ferret has pulled out to the Paris Climate Accords, suggesting once again that America’s future is in coal! We’ve compiled this helpful chart for our readers:
*Compiled from U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Energy and Environment Study Institute, and Individual Corporate websites.
Opinion: We In The Lying Media Have No Right to an Opinion
We at the Trumplandia Review applaud the latest moves to clamp down on Free Speech. First, Republican congressional candidate Greg Gianforte wisely grabbed a reporter by the throat when asked about healthcare. (So many Republicans had foolishly been trying to explain their actual posiitions. Just strangle the reporter! So simple.) Then our Glorious Leader went on Twitter to declare, “The leaks coming out of the White House are fabricated lies made up by the #FakeNews media.” Fabricated lies! Donald Trump, we hereby award you our official Trumplandia Review Redundancy Award award.
And two days later, Texas Governor Greg Abbott (R) held up his shooting range target sheet, and joked, “I’m gonna carry this around in case I see any reporters.”
Hahaha! Hahahahahahah! Ha! Oh my God you Republicans are slaying me. Umm…figuratively, that is. We hope.
Finally, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross had these admiring words for Saudi Arabia: “There was not a single hint of a protester anywhere there during the whole time we were there. Not one guy with a bad placard.” (Note to Secretary Ross: That one guy with the bad placard? Do you think maybe he’d just been beheaded?).
Is it possible there is a bigger jackass in the Trump Administration that Trump himself? Seems impossible. But who’s to say?