All employees shall be rated Betwixt One and Five, where Five
Is equal-weighted
Against Three, so to derive
An average of no more than Four
So to Inspire every Three
To his/her Potentiality
In keeping with the advocated
Goals so eloquently stated
On our intranet. O click
On “HR Policy Letter”
And from the dropdown pick
“Excellence“ slash “Even Better”
And lo!
Our Corporate Vision!
Advancing our Objectives through
Our Value Proposition!
Our commitment to our clients!
And of course our firm reliance
On greatest asset: You!
We note that as each One
To termination is subjected
There shall be none
So rated,
Ones are mere conceit, created
On some HR chart
For there are no more Ones at heart
In our firm than there gloom
In a day lily bloom
Harshness in a dewy moss
Beauty in financial loss
And so a Two must be as low
A rating as you may bestow,
And truly therefore represents
Something quite below
What any may consider just
And so
Avoiding Twos is likewise a must
And as the lowest rating you
May truly give Is three,
It’s something you may come to rue
Unless you wish to see
An inconsolable employee
And as fives must equal weight
With the risky grade of Three
We strongly recommend you score
All your staff at level Four
O Check the ‘I affirm’ box on our site
And Behold! Your sacred rite
Is done! Just click on “Finalize”
Beside your SSN and Date!!!
O Glory Be To Our Franchise!
You are what makes this company great!
That ever-popular genre, the comedic poem.
Beautifully bespeaks the unspeakable.
i tried fitting in the word, “synergy” but it didn’t make the cut 🙂